Snow Day

It is a beautiful lazy fat falling snow. Which is rare in Kansas. A magical day for children. And me. I am so fortunate to have a home based business. Starving artist descriptor inserted here. I keep my life simple by design. My goal is to be. Not to do. Doing like works of the spirit comes because of overflow, it is a symptom of being. So I sit here at my work table and I watch the snow fall-simple as that.I can love it and appreciate it-not fight or hate it. The cats still are stepping outside gingerly to do their business, then come inside to roll up in a ball and dream. Animal wisdom. Rolling with the earth. Stay out all night under the moon and stars when the earth is warm, sleep and dream with the world is cold. Genius.

Back To The Blog

The weather channel said the weather for today is; abundant sunshine. I love that! I had a message on my phone-it was my sister singing 'Happy Birthday' -it also made me smile. So, what have I learned in 53 years? Forgive, forget, move on. Make boston cream pie with alot of pudding. Seek and invest in a deep spiritual life. Sacrifice for others...it benefits all. Love nature. Read. Walk toward the light. Laughter is good medicine. Do not judge. Love, love, love. Don't diet. Different is good. Weird is who I am. Whew-that's enough for onr day I guess. Going to do two fun things today-eat Indian food and shop at The Yarn Barn. Perfection.

The Glorious Fourth

Well, we did have a glorious fourth of July around here-even with the rain. Including this morning when I have been lazying around on a unofficial national monday holiday after the holiday thingy. All of the kids were here-some with their kids, some with friends and Katie brought cousin Ben-so fun. The little grandchildren smiled all day long practically. Which by itself was a delight. Summer is not the fun filled sunny respite it is knocked up to be. Lots of hanging arounf the house with too much time on their hands. Lots of good food-and lots of fireworks. Big ones. Ones that make me wonder why they are legal to shoot in town. It rained hard-severe thunderstorm warning hard, then settled into a fine soft drizzle. It made the night look smoky, murky. We all sat out and got mildly damp and watched our little town go wild. I am sure all of the volunteer firemen were sleeping easier with the wet conditions. Even my mom came by and had dinner with us. She is leaving to go to Alaska tomorrow with my sister. What fun! I am so very happy for them. I found time yesterday to make a couple of pieces for my shop 'Gamut' and look forward to working them in today-making some more even. Here are some shots of my more recent things.

Catching Up

It has been too long since my last blog post. Mea culpa mea culpa. Last weekend was a whirlwind of delight. The hubby and I stayed out late last Thursday night-5am late. And slept most of the next day which was a friday. Checked my shop at about 4pm. And it was abuzz. Literally, well-maybe there were no bees there but.... it had been dead for a week and now it was aflame. 9 conversations to answer, 7 sales. Of course my first reaction is what the sweet potatoes! It seems that one of my pieces had been included in a storque blog titled "Etsy Finds; Free Delivery" something like that. Well, I had like 66 views the day before and 1,394 that friday. Of course I am telling you the truth. Mount Vesuvius. Over 120 people added me as a favorite shop, and it resulted in about 20 sales directly. My shop still is running 120-130 views a day. I think I had hitched my overall shop threshold a little higher. Yippee, yahoo. Bought alot of supplies this month. The czech beads are so gorgeous! Drooling gorgeous. And I am aiming for better quality materials-pure copper and brass chains, sterling silver and gold filled, handpatinaed, pearls. It makes working with the materials joyful and confident. Thank you Beloved Divine One.

Meditation or Chocolate and Coffee for Breakfast

One is reality-the other is not. I am in a desert of no sales right now in the shop. I have humans coming to see-around 100 yesterday, but not really any sales. I try to wax philosophical about it. This will happen I say. To everybody. But then I look at another shop.....let us say 'Sparkle Peach' and see they have 1400 sales in the same amount of time, and I think-well, obviously not everybody. Can those sales be real? Let's see-6 months x 30 days=180 days. 1400 divided by 180=8ish sales a day. If those sales averaged $20 each-that is 160 per day or 4,800 per month minus everything they do to make a profit. Well. I didnt get the job in Topeka. I feel that I am being stripped bare. I hope it is for some great purpose-like to be made pure. Or to prepare me for some great new phase. I get scared when I think the rest was an illusion and I am nothing really. To help counter this pain (this pain) I bought 300 dollars worth of supplies on etsy and had coffee and chocolate for breakfast. Om.

Satisfaction

I am satisfied with my shop right now. The happiest I have been with it since I started. When I go through the items, I like what I see. Which means of course-that I need to step up and push the boundaries a little. I don't have big dreams with my etsy shop. I never planned on developing my own jewelry line and going mainstream. I may however-place some pieces in our local art building. I would love to increase my profits..I wont mention any dollar goals here, but enough that I would not have to work at another job. When I order supplies-I order them with purpose and intent. I used to order them like I bought fabric, just to add to my pallette, my stash. In case I needed some of 'that'. Now I order because I can see what I will do with it.

It does look like I will be working at a 'real' job soon. I think I have a job working at the Topeka Marian Clinic as a part-time nurse for 4 months. It is just about perfect. It is across the street from where my husband works. We will be able to drive together and the hours are exactly the same. It is 3) 8 hour shifts. And it is over at the end of September. It gives me 4 months to pay off bills and build up my store so that when it ends 'Gamut' will be stronger. I put up a few new things I especially like.

Twists and Turns

Life twists and turns. I know that as well as the next person, maybe better than most. I for one, am glad, I don't see what is coming. My sister Cindy left me a message on my phone a week ago with a lead to a job. A JOB. Which is different than my shop in most peoples minds. People rarely ask how my business is going. Where as if I had a new JOB they would. Developing a business of my own on an international website is so different that most people have a hard time wrapping their minds around it. Personally I love it. No change there-it is my vision for my future as a professional. Very excited about my second shop which will feature fibers and fabrics. Anyhow-a nursing job. And a good fit. A part-time seasonal RN position at a clinic which treats people that fall within 200% of poverty line. Went today and visited with the director. I am interested, would give me 4 months of added income to reduce overall debt and monthly bills. And the job sounds rewarding.

Time

I like time. Do most people say that? Of course, the word time means alot of different things. I like the perceived measure of time. Structured minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, seasons, years. I like that the fact that our 'time' is structured on material fundamentals-the sun and the moon. It's my physical reality. I like the concept of time because in my world of dualities-that means there is a place of 'no time' and I am excited about that too. I like time because it has a beginning and an end. My Mother always told me 'this too shall pass' and made sure I understood that went for the good as well as the bad. A realist is what my Mom always says she is. Anyway, there are many times that 'the end' is soothing to me. The Klingons ask 'do you want to live forever?' and I holler NO. I definitely believe in cycling and because I am a faithfilled optimist-I have good expectations for cycling up. I am sitting here under my fig tree filled with peaceful gratitude for this time I have and anticipation for what is coming. I like time because life is easier in alot of ways now that I am older. My baby just turned 21 and that seems like a milestone for me also. 4 out of 6 reached adulthood safely. Well, maybe those aren't very good stats-but, there it is. Just for perspective...I also like Ferb of Phineas and Ferb, peanut butter pie and soft old quilts.

You Never Know

In regards to my shop.....everyone say 'gamut'-I never know what people are going to choose to buy. Simple unknowable. I make everything-of course using the work 'make' loosely. It is not raising the sheep, shearing, carding, spinning, dyeing with my own organic dyes and weaving the fabric, then designing and sewing the garment. More like getting a box of brownie mix and adding the egg, oil and water. On occasion it is buying all the ingredients of the brownies. Choosing the best cocoa I can afford and the best for the environment, using only local butter from a mom and pop little organic dairy down the road. Sifting and stirring with love in every bite. Searching and experimenting with different ingredients, a different nut or cream cheese to make the best brownies you ever had. It never is buying a brownie somewhere else and passing it off as my brownie. Never. But I digress.

No-people will always surprise you. Once in awhile I will discover I have made 'a cute thing'. That is a piece of jewelry that is in sync with what alot of girls/women would wear and buy. My ivory or coral flower jewelry on chinese coin charms are 'cute'. So I sold a couple and ordered 10-20 of each component prepared to sell several of their cutetishness selves. Another category is a little different that 'cute'. I can't think of a word to describe it. An example would be my hamsa/fatima/miriam/handof protection necklace...with a flower cabechon on it. It's also 'cute' but also 'spirtual'. Hmmm. I ordered hands and flowers. Prepared. I make one-of-a-kind things-my ooak tangle bracelets. People respect them. I select the beads, the color motif, the artistic wire. Then I sculpt the wire and beads into bracelet creation. I have sold 2. They get hearts. My long, long necklaces/bead ropes are popular-they are from my soul.

I see things sell that never had a heart to their name. I have things with 10-12 hearts consistently and they molder. Now-I heart things all the time that I like as a shop owner, as a seller that I can incorporate, that give me an idea. It accounts for some of this mystery.

I think about the buyer who buys pieces that I are more than the brownie box mix brownies. They please me. I get excited over them. I think-would I like them? Are they interesting? I do know that I will be happiest the closer I get to the source in my creative acts. Represent me. Pondr ponder.

Ouch.

It has been such a good month-this May. Lots of sales, nice words. My head was swelling. Until this morning that is. I survived the unthinkable...a negative rating. No-2 negative ratings. My shop has forever (?) lost it's 100% rating. Pain and suffering. Harsh also. The client said things like 'cheap chain, clasp doesn't work, wont go over my head-I cant wear it.' It was her first purchase on Etsy. She had a rating of 2-from me of course, both positive. I sent a convo immediately. No begging, no tears. Basically I said 'send it back for repairs and a refund of your money.'

What really hurt of course is that anyone would really dislike what I had made. It opened up an important line of reponsibility. Supplies. Do I have any idea of their durability, their worth. Really-no. Like any kind of plating. Will it last a day, a week, a year? I hate that. I love working with my 100% cotton fabrics I buy at my local fabric shop. Safe. Knowable. High quality. Unlike alot of supplies like chain that I order.

I will accept returns now if alteration of repair doesnt satisfy.. I want to do that. Thinking about expanding my shop with hats, wall art, pillows and altered clothing.

Back

It has been busy! In a good way. I had a terrible night around the first of the month. One of those times when you are awake around 3-4am and everything looks dark and scary. I was worried about money the most. Bills now, bills in the future, unknown bills. BIG BILLS. When I am scared I take it to my Higher Power, who I call Beloved. I love the adoration that is evident in dervish worship and that is the relationship I desire with the Divine. I prayed for financial peace. I also want to be able to make my living through my shop-where my avocation and vocation are the same. Not coincidentally-my business has been booming all month. I have sold over 400 worth of merchandise this month...more than any month's total. I am thrilled and don't take it for granted. It has allowed me to restock and pay off my etsy bill quickly. Now I can funnel the rest into our account. Grateful. Thank you. It has been a beautiful spring. Green and cool. Iris, lilac and roses are blooming. My mother got her second cataract surgery and doesn't need glasses anymore except to read. Is that not cool? Amazing. Going to relist items and put up 10 pair of earrings todday. Yea!

I was reading...about prayer

Even on the most beautiful of days death surrounds us. Sitting with my laptop I was reading facebook and checking out one of the blogs I follow 'enhabiten'. Enhabiten is one of the gentlest, lovliest blogs there is. The writer has a shop on etsy with the same name. It features housewares that are vintage, handmade, faded, soft edged. The author and owner mentioned that a friend Molly had recently died and she requested prayer. And then offered her dilemma-she wasn't sure if she believed in prayer. Prayer is just a word. Prayer is just a word, a collection of letters that forms a sign, that gives an impression, a concept in our mind. Personally-I think that prayer is communication to a higher source. An universal-no, beyond universal, outside of time and space and matter Divine. That sees me, creates me, loves me. Prayer is a vehicle that carries our thoughts, our emotions-fear, love, desire...and relieves our burdens of them. I believe prayer is powerful. I believe we are all connected. I believe in the spirit. Mine, yours, ours, divine. She asked for prayer for Molly and those who knew her. I will pray.

A Good Week

Pow! Pow, pa-pow, pa-pow pow pow! A cool weekend at my Etsy shop-Gamut. It had been 'dead' there several days, like it was invisible. 118 hearts. No sales. Doldrums. I checked it at 4pm...nothing. Checked it at 11pm. Something had happened. Something weird and wonderful. A locket that I had made in Feb had jumped 300 hits and 20 hearts. I love a mystery. Looked through all the treasuries-alot. Not there. Checked the front page-not there. What could have done this? So-I sent a text to one of the people who hearted (marked it as a favorite) this item and she replied that it had indeed been on the front page of Etsy. And while it resulted in only 2 sales-it gave me enormous free publicity! I only wish that somehow I could have been notified. Then this morning I received a convo from a woman in Spain that I was in her blog. Another first! It is a fantastic experience to receive this validation. As an artist? Maybe.

I read an article-and then the thread from the comments on how to make a living from your blog. Is this for product endorsement? I love a mystery. Beautiful day.

Rites of Spring

Walked to the local store today. Oh, my aching right hip and left knee. I wasnt kidding when I told Sis that working on the hospital/nursing home floor 12 hours a day would lead to a knee or hip replacement quickly. Anyway we saw springtime things. Hopcopters. Actually maple seeds. You know...if you throw them in the air they will twirl down like a helicoptor blade. I used to like to do that as a kid. Now he knows too. We saw half a robin's egg-which was a robin's egg blue. He didn't pick it up and get grossed out with the eggy stuff dried on it like I used to. No-he was content to just see it. He stopped me to look up in a tree. He told me that once there was a big bird up in it. Just checking it out to see what was hanging up there today I guess. We bought stamps and ham and milk duds. Other things-but those are the highlights. We went to the 'pizza place' so he could put his quarters in the baseball gum/rubber ball baseball game machine. It was all good. Last night I went to Preston's to return some money. Clark was delightful. He got a new tricycle and made it go. He loves nursery rhymes and makes dioramas of them with available resources. His Mom draws them on his legs-I approve. How fortunate to have such a great family.
I am starting to believe that I can and will make my living with my Etsy store. Seeing a glimpse of vision. I believe.

Incredible

That is how I feel about being alive. One of those times when the veil is a little thinner and mundane thoughts get blown away like grey clouds before a clear cool wind. Peace. Awareness. Joy. Amazement. Gratitude. Love. Sometimes I feel excited about death. Not in a morbid black way-but in a curious, excited -cant wait for Christmas morning to get here way. Near death experiences describe it as wondrous, light-filled, hope to shout. That's eternity. We dont have the words to describe it or the faculties to imagine it Jesus says. Be kind, help others, experience the profound glad hope here. Have great expectations.

Beautiful Spring

My Mom was telling me that people were worried that we would go directly from winter to summer. I feel like saying 'open your eyes peeps-it's here!' Right now-this minute. NOW. It may not last a long time. But if it is now, right this minute-then it lasts forever. All we have is now. Kim and Dan bought flowers and plants and worked in the yard 3 days straight. Cindy and Steve have planted their spring garden, dredged out their pond and a 100 things besides. Dogwoods are purple, magnolia blooms have blossomed, Butch has mowed Mom's yard. Katie is wearing shorts. It's spring. April and May fly by just like October and November. Temperate and beautiful.

I am resisting going back to work as a nurse. This week I went to the hospital with my Mother for her cataract surgery. Watching the nurses work. So many opportunities for oops. Oops are bad. Making a mistake with a patient's health is never trivial. Could be deadly. I feel scared to go back.

I was gone for 2 full days at Mom's so this morning I got up at 7am-excited to work on my shop Gamut. I had a pretty quiet couple of weeks-the first 2 weeks of April. I also had been stuck at 77 hearts for awhile and it has popped up to 92. This last few days have been lively-I sold 7ish things-or more. Fun. It paid off most of my March Etsy bill and I bought some coral, tangerine, salmon, raspberry czech beads-wonderful hot spicy colors for summer. I am craving them. I saw a picture of these paint colors in a magazine in the waiting room and I ripped it out.

So this morning I made and placed 4 new necklaces. Popping in some pictures of what I have made recently.

It's Been A Quiet Week In Eudora, My Home Town...

We are big fans of Garrison Keillor's Prairie Home Companion. At least if we are in the car. We never think to turn it on in the house. The same for Click and Clack The Tap It brothers. Wouldn't miss it-if I am in the car. The only time a radio is on in the house is if there is a ballgame Butch can't get on TV-used to be home games for the kids if they were playing away from home and we couldn't go. When I was a girl I listened to the radio constantly and my Mom would yell 'turn it down!' (1), 'TURN IT DOWN! (2), 'TURN THE #%#* OFF!) (3). Click-it's off. The Mama-she was formidable. Love her still. Anyway-it seems like it was a quiet week in my little town. In retrospect it really wasn't. Easter weekend? A major holiday and a pleasant one to boot. Maybe quiet means ok, pleasant-happy. Not anxious, not stressed. I didn't get the job at the library-the 'Friend's Coordinator'. Wasn't even interviewed for it. Bruce-the Library Director was however prompt, friendly and courteous. A little of that goes a long long way. Something Nurses forget and don't get sometimes. The library has a new position open-a part-time page. Same job I did in High School. Wouldn't mind doing now at all-but I passed the tip onto my 23 year old son who is looking for work. Hope he gets it. Met with a Home Health Company Thursday night who is sending out feelers in this area. Met with one of the recruiters. Got a free large pizza. Cool. Will get my license up and running and apply Monday.
I truly respect Nursing. I plan to keep up with my shop Gamut. I love it. Easter was good. Went to church and sat with my Mom, Lauridsens, Dan and Kim and Kids, Katie. Bill did a great job. Had a fun supper at Montney's with a egg hunt, dog, swing set, good company and food. The kids got together later to play WOW. They had fun. Dan's move to evenings has gone smoothly. Ella has adjusted well. No one is sick. We are safe and dry and fed and warm. It was a quiet week.

Seasons and Cycles

Imbolc. Brigid. Candlemas. St. Patrick's Day. Spring. Vernal Equinox. Ostara. Passover. Easter. May Day. Beltane. Summer. Litha. At least for the Northern half of the globe. And that always makes me feel topsy-turvey. If I flew to Rio or Sydney, not only would I have jet lag because of the time differences, I would have season lag. It is just so weird. Opposites. Matter. Is there a place in me, in my soul, where the observer is that none of this matters? (weird here too-the word matters-matters in the world, time, material world). Yin Yang-until there is a whole. North goes this way, south goes that a way. Two opposite vortexes to keep us balanced. Here it is day-there it is night, here it is spring, there it is fall. Does it take away from my springishness if half the world's is feeling fallishness? And then there is the equater. Sheesh. The cycles are pulled tight, small and fast. Or cooler still-eternal summer that last for thousands of years until major long shifts create a winter there beyond our time and knowledge. The Divine, my Beloved. If the world is creation-does matter matter? Is the Earth important-or is it merely a stage as Shakesphere said. To play out our lives on, a chalkboard for our lessons. Are cycles a contrivance-or are they vitally important? Goes to the body-our nature, the physical-the web of physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. If I am cut-do I not bleed? Of course. Do I bleed emotionally? Yes. Do I bleed spiritually via physical wounds? Yes. Am I smart enough to figure this all out? Laughing. In my soul is eternity, before, after, now. Beyond cycles, seasons, duality. Whole.

The Love Quilt

I dreamed last night about embroidery. What is it about spring that makes me want to sew. I even woke up after the dream, still half asleep and placed the exact embroidery project was under my worktable, not 10 feet from me. My craft year has it's cycles. About September it is time to pull out the knitting needles. Once spring hits I cannot bear to knit. The sewing machine runs hot between April-August. Mostly in the way of piecing quilts. I used to handquilt too. I have made about 6+ large handquilted quilts. I quilt very very slow....its alot of time invested. I live in a teeny weeny town in Kansas but it has a charming active quilt shop with an innovative creative great machine quilter. I just haven't taken the time to get it together and take a top down there. I think the reason I also slowed way down on the quilting process is that I owe my Mom a handquilted top that she pieced out of 2" squares. Tough to quilt. I have 2 other tops finished and two more in the works. I love them all. The last 6-8 years I have collected mostly Kaffe Fassett fabrics. Hot hot spice colors. Makes me dream of India. Shah Rukh Khan (all sigh). Meow. My worktable is 100% Etsy jewelry work-I am going to rework the work space. Wish me luck! Speaking of quilts and sewing. This is the 20th Anniversary of the Love Quilt. My daughter Anna died in 1988 and we moved to Colorado 2 days later. I started a year-long 'learn to quilt' class in 1989 and finished the 'Love quilt' in 1990. It is starting to show some wear and tear. Just like it should from being 'loved'.

Spring Colds

Woke up with a scratchy throat, chest congestion, layers and layers of crud. Drank hot water out of the bathroom tap to help the drainage process. Drank some coffee and ate some pretzels. Checked my Etsy shop and then fell back into a deep dream-filled sleep. Fatigued. Katie had 'bad' allergies last week. So-have to wonder if this is allergy symptoms or a viral cold. I think the later. Usually my allergies are active in the winter-I am a Winter allergy sufferer. I should make a button. I watched 'Julie & Julia' last night. Of course I loved it. But I agreed with Julia-I would not want my personal sex life as content on a blog. I also thought to myself 'I am so glad I started a blog before I saw this.' I blog. I am a blogger. I am a writer. My school culture fostered writers. Didn't all of us have to write papers and essays constantly? Reading and writing-don't they go hand and hand? Is there a reader who is not also a writer and vice versa? I have always kept a journal-the last 7-10 years they are more like a amalgam of 'blog-scrapbook-journal' I am not immune to the cultural trends. One big universal organism. But I do know that 15 years as a nurse changed the way I write. To the point. Just the facts mam. Short and sweet. No long run on and on flowery sentences leading you down the path to some artistic expression of the heart and soul... Nope. The wound is x by x with blah blah blah. This is by neccessity a new chapter in my life. I hope HOPE I like it. Hope is my new discovery.