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The weather channel said the weather for today is; abundant sunshine. I love that! I had a message on my phone-it was my sister singing 'Happy Birthday' -it also made me smile. So, what have I learned in 53 years? Forgive, forget, move on. Make boston cream pie with alot of pudding. Seek and invest in a deep spiritual life. Sacrifice for others...it benefits all. Love nature. Read. Walk toward the light. Laughter is good medicine. Do not judge. Love, love, love. Don't diet. Different is good. Weird is who I am. Whew-that's enough for onr day I guess. Going to do two fun things today-eat Indian food and shop at The Yarn Barn. Perfection.

The Glorious Fourth

Well, we did have a glorious fourth of July around here-even with the rain. Including this morning when I have been lazying around on a unofficial national monday holiday after the holiday thingy. All of the kids were here-some with their kids, some with friends and Katie brought cousin Ben-so fun. The little grandchildren smiled all day long practically. Which by itself was a delight. Summer is not the fun filled sunny respite it is knocked up to be. Lots of hanging arounf the house with too much time on their hands. Lots of good food-and lots of fireworks. Big ones. Ones that make me wonder why they are legal to shoot in town. It rained hard-severe thunderstorm warning hard, then settled into a fine soft drizzle. It made the night look smoky, murky. We all sat out and got mildly damp and watched our little town go wild. I am sure all of the volunteer firemen were sleeping easier with the wet conditions. Even my mom came by and had dinner with us. She is leaving to go to Alaska tomorrow with my sister. What fun! I am so very happy for them. I found time yesterday to make a couple of pieces for my shop 'Gamut' and look forward to working them in today-making some more even. Here are some shots of my more recent things.

Catching Up

It has been too long since my last blog post. Mea culpa mea culpa. Last weekend was a whirlwind of delight. The hubby and I stayed out late last Thursday night-5am late. And slept most of the next day which was a friday. Checked my shop at about 4pm. And it was abuzz. Literally, well-maybe there were no bees there but.... it had been dead for a week and now it was aflame. 9 conversations to answer, 7 sales. Of course my first reaction is what the sweet potatoes! It seems that one of my pieces had been included in a storque blog titled "Etsy Finds; Free Delivery" something like that. Well, I had like 66 views the day before and 1,394 that friday. Of course I am telling you the truth. Mount Vesuvius. Over 120 people added me as a favorite shop, and it resulted in about 20 sales directly. My shop still is running 120-130 views a day. I think I had hitched my overall shop threshold a little higher. Yippee, yahoo. Bought alot of supplies this month. The czech beads are so gorgeous! Drooling gorgeous. And I am aiming for better quality materials-pure copper and brass chains, sterling silver and gold filled, handpatinaed, pearls. It makes working with the materials joyful and confident. Thank you Beloved Divine One.

Meditation or Chocolate and Coffee for Breakfast

One is reality-the other is not. I am in a desert of no sales right now in the shop. I have humans coming to see-around 100 yesterday, but not really any sales. I try to wax philosophical about it. This will happen I say. To everybody. But then I look at another shop.....let us say 'Sparkle Peach' and see they have 1400 sales in the same amount of time, and I think-well, obviously not everybody. Can those sales be real? Let's see-6 months x 30 days=180 days. 1400 divided by 180=8ish sales a day. If those sales averaged $20 each-that is 160 per day or 4,800 per month minus everything they do to make a profit. Well. I didnt get the job in Topeka. I feel that I am being stripped bare. I hope it is for some great purpose-like to be made pure. Or to prepare me for some great new phase. I get scared when I think the rest was an illusion and I am nothing really. To help counter this pain (this pain) I bought 300 dollars worth of supplies on etsy and had coffee and chocolate for breakfast. Om.

Satisfaction

I am satisfied with my shop right now. The happiest I have been with it since I started. When I go through the items, I like what I see. Which means of course-that I need to step up and push the boundaries a little. I don't have big dreams with my etsy shop. I never planned on developing my own jewelry line and going mainstream. I may however-place some pieces in our local art building. I would love to increase my profits..I wont mention any dollar goals here, but enough that I would not have to work at another job. When I order supplies-I order them with purpose and intent. I used to order them like I bought fabric, just to add to my pallette, my stash. In case I needed some of 'that'. Now I order because I can see what I will do with it.

It does look like I will be working at a 'real' job soon. I think I have a job working at the Topeka Marian Clinic as a part-time nurse for 4 months. It is just about perfect. It is across the street from where my husband works. We will be able to drive together and the hours are exactly the same. It is 3) 8 hour shifts. And it is over at the end of September. It gives me 4 months to pay off bills and build up my store so that when it ends 'Gamut' will be stronger. I put up a few new things I especially like.

Twists and Turns

Life twists and turns. I know that as well as the next person, maybe better than most. I for one, am glad, I don't see what is coming. My sister Cindy left me a message on my phone a week ago with a lead to a job. A JOB. Which is different than my shop in most peoples minds. People rarely ask how my business is going. Where as if I had a new JOB they would. Developing a business of my own on an international website is so different that most people have a hard time wrapping their minds around it. Personally I love it. No change there-it is my vision for my future as a professional. Very excited about my second shop which will feature fibers and fabrics. Anyhow-a nursing job. And a good fit. A part-time seasonal RN position at a clinic which treats people that fall within 200% of poverty line. Went today and visited with the director. I am interested, would give me 4 months of added income to reduce overall debt and monthly bills. And the job sounds rewarding.

Time

I like time. Do most people say that? Of course, the word time means alot of different things. I like the perceived measure of time. Structured minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, seasons, years. I like that the fact that our 'time' is structured on material fundamentals-the sun and the moon. It's my physical reality. I like the concept of time because in my world of dualities-that means there is a place of 'no time' and I am excited about that too. I like time because it has a beginning and an end. My Mother always told me 'this too shall pass' and made sure I understood that went for the good as well as the bad. A realist is what my Mom always says she is. Anyway, there are many times that 'the end' is soothing to me. The Klingons ask 'do you want to live forever?' and I holler NO. I definitely believe in cycling and because I am a faithfilled optimist-I have good expectations for cycling up. I am sitting here under my fig tree filled with peaceful gratitude for this time I have and anticipation for what is coming. I like time because life is easier in alot of ways now that I am older. My baby just turned 21 and that seems like a milestone for me also. 4 out of 6 reached adulthood safely. Well, maybe those aren't very good stats-but, there it is. Just for perspective...I also like Ferb of Phineas and Ferb, peanut butter pie and soft old quilts.

You Never Know

In regards to my shop.....everyone say 'gamut'-I never know what people are going to choose to buy. Simple unknowable. I make everything-of course using the work 'make' loosely. It is not raising the sheep, shearing, carding, spinning, dyeing with my own organic dyes and weaving the fabric, then designing and sewing the garment. More like getting a box of brownie mix and adding the egg, oil and water. On occasion it is buying all the ingredients of the brownies. Choosing the best cocoa I can afford and the best for the environment, using only local butter from a mom and pop little organic dairy down the road. Sifting and stirring with love in every bite. Searching and experimenting with different ingredients, a different nut or cream cheese to make the best brownies you ever had. It never is buying a brownie somewhere else and passing it off as my brownie. Never. But I digress.

No-people will always surprise you. Once in awhile I will discover I have made 'a cute thing'. That is a piece of jewelry that is in sync with what alot of girls/women would wear and buy. My ivory or coral flower jewelry on chinese coin charms are 'cute'. So I sold a couple and ordered 10-20 of each component prepared to sell several of their cutetishness selves. Another category is a little different that 'cute'. I can't think of a word to describe it. An example would be my hamsa/fatima/miriam/handof protection necklace...with a flower cabechon on it. It's also 'cute' but also 'spirtual'. Hmmm. I ordered hands and flowers. Prepared. I make one-of-a-kind things-my ooak tangle bracelets. People respect them. I select the beads, the color motif, the artistic wire. Then I sculpt the wire and beads into bracelet creation. I have sold 2. They get hearts. My long, long necklaces/bead ropes are popular-they are from my soul.

I see things sell that never had a heart to their name. I have things with 10-12 hearts consistently and they molder. Now-I heart things all the time that I like as a shop owner, as a seller that I can incorporate, that give me an idea. It accounts for some of this mystery.

I think about the buyer who buys pieces that I are more than the brownie box mix brownies. They please me. I get excited over them. I think-would I like them? Are they interesting? I do know that I will be happiest the closer I get to the source in my creative acts. Represent me. Pondr ponder.

Ouch.

It has been such a good month-this May. Lots of sales, nice words. My head was swelling. Until this morning that is. I survived the unthinkable...a negative rating. No-2 negative ratings. My shop has forever (?) lost it's 100% rating. Pain and suffering. Harsh also. The client said things like 'cheap chain, clasp doesn't work, wont go over my head-I cant wear it.' It was her first purchase on Etsy. She had a rating of 2-from me of course, both positive. I sent a convo immediately. No begging, no tears. Basically I said 'send it back for repairs and a refund of your money.'

What really hurt of course is that anyone would really dislike what I had made. It opened up an important line of reponsibility. Supplies. Do I have any idea of their durability, their worth. Really-no. Like any kind of plating. Will it last a day, a week, a year? I hate that. I love working with my 100% cotton fabrics I buy at my local fabric shop. Safe. Knowable. High quality. Unlike alot of supplies like chain that I order.

I will accept returns now if alteration of repair doesnt satisfy.. I want to do that. Thinking about expanding my shop with hats, wall art, pillows and altered clothing.

Back

It has been busy! In a good way. I had a terrible night around the first of the month. One of those times when you are awake around 3-4am and everything looks dark and scary. I was worried about money the most. Bills now, bills in the future, unknown bills. BIG BILLS. When I am scared I take it to my Higher Power, who I call Beloved. I love the adoration that is evident in dervish worship and that is the relationship I desire with the Divine. I prayed for financial peace. I also want to be able to make my living through my shop-where my avocation and vocation are the same. Not coincidentally-my business has been booming all month. I have sold over 400 worth of merchandise this month...more than any month's total. I am thrilled and don't take it for granted. It has allowed me to restock and pay off my etsy bill quickly. Now I can funnel the rest into our account. Grateful. Thank you. It has been a beautiful spring. Green and cool. Iris, lilac and roses are blooming. My mother got her second cataract surgery and doesn't need glasses anymore except to read. Is that not cool? Amazing. Going to relist items and put up 10 pair of earrings todday. Yea!

I was reading...about prayer

Even on the most beautiful of days death surrounds us. Sitting with my laptop I was reading facebook and checking out one of the blogs I follow 'enhabiten'. Enhabiten is one of the gentlest, lovliest blogs there is. The writer has a shop on etsy with the same name. It features housewares that are vintage, handmade, faded, soft edged. The author and owner mentioned that a friend Molly had recently died and she requested prayer. And then offered her dilemma-she wasn't sure if she believed in prayer. Prayer is just a word. Prayer is just a word, a collection of letters that forms a sign, that gives an impression, a concept in our mind. Personally-I think that prayer is communication to a higher source. An universal-no, beyond universal, outside of time and space and matter Divine. That sees me, creates me, loves me. Prayer is a vehicle that carries our thoughts, our emotions-fear, love, desire...and relieves our burdens of them. I believe prayer is powerful. I believe we are all connected. I believe in the spirit. Mine, yours, ours, divine. She asked for prayer for Molly and those who knew her. I will pray.

A Good Week

Pow! Pow, pa-pow, pa-pow pow pow! A cool weekend at my Etsy shop-Gamut. It had been 'dead' there several days, like it was invisible. 118 hearts. No sales. Doldrums. I checked it at 4pm...nothing. Checked it at 11pm. Something had happened. Something weird and wonderful. A locket that I had made in Feb had jumped 300 hits and 20 hearts. I love a mystery. Looked through all the treasuries-alot. Not there. Checked the front page-not there. What could have done this? So-I sent a text to one of the people who hearted (marked it as a favorite) this item and she replied that it had indeed been on the front page of Etsy. And while it resulted in only 2 sales-it gave me enormous free publicity! I only wish that somehow I could have been notified. Then this morning I received a convo from a woman in Spain that I was in her blog. Another first! It is a fantastic experience to receive this validation. As an artist? Maybe.

I read an article-and then the thread from the comments on how to make a living from your blog. Is this for product endorsement? I love a mystery. Beautiful day.

Rites of Spring

Walked to the local store today. Oh, my aching right hip and left knee. I wasnt kidding when I told Sis that working on the hospital/nursing home floor 12 hours a day would lead to a knee or hip replacement quickly. Anyway we saw springtime things. Hopcopters. Actually maple seeds. You know...if you throw them in the air they will twirl down like a helicoptor blade. I used to like to do that as a kid. Now he knows too. We saw half a robin's egg-which was a robin's egg blue. He didn't pick it up and get grossed out with the eggy stuff dried on it like I used to. No-he was content to just see it. He stopped me to look up in a tree. He told me that once there was a big bird up in it. Just checking it out to see what was hanging up there today I guess. We bought stamps and ham and milk duds. Other things-but those are the highlights. We went to the 'pizza place' so he could put his quarters in the baseball gum/rubber ball baseball game machine. It was all good. Last night I went to Preston's to return some money. Clark was delightful. He got a new tricycle and made it go. He loves nursery rhymes and makes dioramas of them with available resources. His Mom draws them on his legs-I approve. How fortunate to have such a great family.
I am starting to believe that I can and will make my living with my Etsy store. Seeing a glimpse of vision. I believe.

Incredible

That is how I feel about being alive. One of those times when the veil is a little thinner and mundane thoughts get blown away like grey clouds before a clear cool wind. Peace. Awareness. Joy. Amazement. Gratitude. Love. Sometimes I feel excited about death. Not in a morbid black way-but in a curious, excited -cant wait for Christmas morning to get here way. Near death experiences describe it as wondrous, light-filled, hope to shout. That's eternity. We dont have the words to describe it or the faculties to imagine it Jesus says. Be kind, help others, experience the profound glad hope here. Have great expectations.

Beautiful Spring

My Mom was telling me that people were worried that we would go directly from winter to summer. I feel like saying 'open your eyes peeps-it's here!' Right now-this minute. NOW. It may not last a long time. But if it is now, right this minute-then it lasts forever. All we have is now. Kim and Dan bought flowers and plants and worked in the yard 3 days straight. Cindy and Steve have planted their spring garden, dredged out their pond and a 100 things besides. Dogwoods are purple, magnolia blooms have blossomed, Butch has mowed Mom's yard. Katie is wearing shorts. It's spring. April and May fly by just like October and November. Temperate and beautiful.

I am resisting going back to work as a nurse. This week I went to the hospital with my Mother for her cataract surgery. Watching the nurses work. So many opportunities for oops. Oops are bad. Making a mistake with a patient's health is never trivial. Could be deadly. I feel scared to go back.

I was gone for 2 full days at Mom's so this morning I got up at 7am-excited to work on my shop Gamut. I had a pretty quiet couple of weeks-the first 2 weeks of April. I also had been stuck at 77 hearts for awhile and it has popped up to 92. This last few days have been lively-I sold 7ish things-or more. Fun. It paid off most of my March Etsy bill and I bought some coral, tangerine, salmon, raspberry czech beads-wonderful hot spicy colors for summer. I am craving them. I saw a picture of these paint colors in a magazine in the waiting room and I ripped it out.

So this morning I made and placed 4 new necklaces. Popping in some pictures of what I have made recently.

It's Been A Quiet Week In Eudora, My Home Town...

We are big fans of Garrison Keillor's Prairie Home Companion. At least if we are in the car. We never think to turn it on in the house. The same for Click and Clack The Tap It brothers. Wouldn't miss it-if I am in the car. The only time a radio is on in the house is if there is a ballgame Butch can't get on TV-used to be home games for the kids if they were playing away from home and we couldn't go. When I was a girl I listened to the radio constantly and my Mom would yell 'turn it down!' (1), 'TURN IT DOWN! (2), 'TURN THE #%#* OFF!) (3). Click-it's off. The Mama-she was formidable. Love her still. Anyway-it seems like it was a quiet week in my little town. In retrospect it really wasn't. Easter weekend? A major holiday and a pleasant one to boot. Maybe quiet means ok, pleasant-happy. Not anxious, not stressed. I didn't get the job at the library-the 'Friend's Coordinator'. Wasn't even interviewed for it. Bruce-the Library Director was however prompt, friendly and courteous. A little of that goes a long long way. Something Nurses forget and don't get sometimes. The library has a new position open-a part-time page. Same job I did in High School. Wouldn't mind doing now at all-but I passed the tip onto my 23 year old son who is looking for work. Hope he gets it. Met with a Home Health Company Thursday night who is sending out feelers in this area. Met with one of the recruiters. Got a free large pizza. Cool. Will get my license up and running and apply Monday.
I truly respect Nursing. I plan to keep up with my shop Gamut. I love it. Easter was good. Went to church and sat with my Mom, Lauridsens, Dan and Kim and Kids, Katie. Bill did a great job. Had a fun supper at Montney's with a egg hunt, dog, swing set, good company and food. The kids got together later to play WOW. They had fun. Dan's move to evenings has gone smoothly. Ella has adjusted well. No one is sick. We are safe and dry and fed and warm. It was a quiet week.

Seasons and Cycles

Imbolc. Brigid. Candlemas. St. Patrick's Day. Spring. Vernal Equinox. Ostara. Passover. Easter. May Day. Beltane. Summer. Litha. At least for the Northern half of the globe. And that always makes me feel topsy-turvey. If I flew to Rio or Sydney, not only would I have jet lag because of the time differences, I would have season lag. It is just so weird. Opposites. Matter. Is there a place in me, in my soul, where the observer is that none of this matters? (weird here too-the word matters-matters in the world, time, material world). Yin Yang-until there is a whole. North goes this way, south goes that a way. Two opposite vortexes to keep us balanced. Here it is day-there it is night, here it is spring, there it is fall. Does it take away from my springishness if half the world's is feeling fallishness? And then there is the equater. Sheesh. The cycles are pulled tight, small and fast. Or cooler still-eternal summer that last for thousands of years until major long shifts create a winter there beyond our time and knowledge. The Divine, my Beloved. If the world is creation-does matter matter? Is the Earth important-or is it merely a stage as Shakesphere said. To play out our lives on, a chalkboard for our lessons. Are cycles a contrivance-or are they vitally important? Goes to the body-our nature, the physical-the web of physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. If I am cut-do I not bleed? Of course. Do I bleed emotionally? Yes. Do I bleed spiritually via physical wounds? Yes. Am I smart enough to figure this all out? Laughing. In my soul is eternity, before, after, now. Beyond cycles, seasons, duality. Whole.

The Love Quilt

I dreamed last night about embroidery. What is it about spring that makes me want to sew. I even woke up after the dream, still half asleep and placed the exact embroidery project was under my worktable, not 10 feet from me. My craft year has it's cycles. About September it is time to pull out the knitting needles. Once spring hits I cannot bear to knit. The sewing machine runs hot between April-August. Mostly in the way of piecing quilts. I used to handquilt too. I have made about 6+ large handquilted quilts. I quilt very very slow....its alot of time invested. I live in a teeny weeny town in Kansas but it has a charming active quilt shop with an innovative creative great machine quilter. I just haven't taken the time to get it together and take a top down there. I think the reason I also slowed way down on the quilting process is that I owe my Mom a handquilted top that she pieced out of 2" squares. Tough to quilt. I have 2 other tops finished and two more in the works. I love them all. The last 6-8 years I have collected mostly Kaffe Fassett fabrics. Hot hot spice colors. Makes me dream of India. Shah Rukh Khan (all sigh). Meow. My worktable is 100% Etsy jewelry work-I am going to rework the work space. Wish me luck! Speaking of quilts and sewing. This is the 20th Anniversary of the Love Quilt. My daughter Anna died in 1988 and we moved to Colorado 2 days later. I started a year-long 'learn to quilt' class in 1989 and finished the 'Love quilt' in 1990. It is starting to show some wear and tear. Just like it should from being 'loved'.

Spring Colds

Woke up with a scratchy throat, chest congestion, layers and layers of crud. Drank hot water out of the bathroom tap to help the drainage process. Drank some coffee and ate some pretzels. Checked my Etsy shop and then fell back into a deep dream-filled sleep. Fatigued. Katie had 'bad' allergies last week. So-have to wonder if this is allergy symptoms or a viral cold. I think the later. Usually my allergies are active in the winter-I am a Winter allergy sufferer. I should make a button. I watched 'Julie & Julia' last night. Of course I loved it. But I agreed with Julia-I would not want my personal sex life as content on a blog. I also thought to myself 'I am so glad I started a blog before I saw this.' I blog. I am a blogger. I am a writer. My school culture fostered writers. Didn't all of us have to write papers and essays constantly? Reading and writing-don't they go hand and hand? Is there a reader who is not also a writer and vice versa? I have always kept a journal-the last 7-10 years they are more like a amalgam of 'blog-scrapbook-journal' I am not immune to the cultural trends. One big universal organism. But I do know that 15 years as a nurse changed the way I write. To the point. Just the facts mam. Short and sweet. No long run on and on flowery sentences leading you down the path to some artistic expression of the heart and soul... Nope. The wound is x by x with blah blah blah. This is by neccessity a new chapter in my life. I hope HOPE I like it. Hope is my new discovery.

My Shops

I had a good week Shop-wise. Even last week when I spent alot of time curled up in a fetal position in bed with SAD I posted a new item everyday. A good sign indeed. Even if all else failed (and it didn't) my shop is a source of professional identity for me. This week I have had good sales, I got an inquiry about making wedding necklaces and I had a piece posted on a treasury-also a first for me. Fun! I spend my 'work-day' rearranging, editing, mailing, convoing, (is that a word?) creating, shopping for new ideas and materials, cleaning up. I love to run my hand thru the big bowl of beads. Yesterday I made a fancy necklace and earrings-gold, sky blue and pearl. Gorgeous. The light is poor today due to rain. When I take some pics-I will post them. Here are a few of my favorite things at my shop Gamut currently.

Ides of March

On my way to The Theatre of Pompeii as seer came up to me. Next week will be a truckload of crap she murmured. What? I said. Beware the Ides of March! she wailed. The tides at church? I asked. No! The Ides of March! The Ides of March! Whatever, walking out into a 50ish sunny breezy day. But the SAD stalker was behind awaiting it's chance and soon I would get to dance. This last week was a truckload of CRAP! You know the movie Carrie? or Fellowship of the Ring? Carrie is dead, the horrors are over-little Amy Irving is going to be happy again, it's a beautiful day. She bends down to lay flowers on Carrie's grave and BLAMMO the bloody dirty hand bursts thru the dirt to grab her. Or-Gandalf and gang get past Saruman's avalanche, the squid, the cave-in, the orcs, the falling steps, the balrog...ooops-was that the balrog's whip end that has dragged Gandalf to hell? Well, beware the Ides of March. You will get through the Holidays, the winter doldrums, jonquils will poke their heads out, robins will sing....and then BLAMMO the whip tail end of SAD will sweep around to drag you to hell. Bad depression, melt-down, wursker and wursker. So-for you that didnt go to Cancun or Colorado-I feel your pain. It will pass.

Spring

I just checked the date of the Vernal equinox this year and it is earlier-March 20th. Just a couple of days! It was a perfect winter. Which means it was cold, it was long and it was snowy. Just the right kind of winter to help you be ready and truly enjoy the warmth and beauty of Spring. Not that the cold and wet is over mind you. My husband was telling me that we have a chance of snow on Saturday. And 30ish degree temps for a few days. Fine! I throw down the glove at winter. Just like a bully to get the last word, show us who is boss. I watched the Weather channel long enough to see that by Monday it will be in the high 40's again. Which means all the college students will be wearing shorts and pretending they are not cold. Good for them. This morning I was remembering The Uffizi Gallery in Florence. 2 paintings really stick out in my mind. One was a circular Madonna by DaVinci and the other was Primavera by Botticelli. It was so beautiful to me. Shame on me for not remembering more.
Spring is the fastest season. Once you have passed by spring break-April and May whip by incredibly fast. I will notice Spring, enjoy Spring more this year. Get it into my bones. Go to the early Farmer's Markets, take walks, buy flowers-eat new peas and potatoes. Dream in pastels. Somehow get it to slow down and take it's time. Because -talk about bullies. Summer is coming.

Just Daily Stuff

I love to read the 'Quit Your Day Job' interviews/blogs at Etsy. I love my shop-I find it absolutely the most comprehensive and fascinating work I have ever done. I dream of being able to make a real living from searching for materials, design, presentation etc...In the meantime I have filled out an application for our local library to be the Friends of The Library Coordinator. Returning to a place where I had my very first job when I was 14. Part-time, flexible and in a great environment-I would love to do this while maintaining and extending my shop Gamut. This weekend was laid back-I spent Friday night watching Caprica re-runs and stringing some great bead ropes. When I make the bead ropes-the beads bring back memories. Now...I have a terrible memory. But for things like this-my beads-I can remember where and when I bought them. Not 100%-but most. So when I string them I remember alot of things. Maybe a necklace that was given to me, or belonged to a relative. Memories of myself or my children. Places I have lived in. So-that was cool. Saturday I helped my daughter by watching my 2 young grandsons (Boston 1, Clark 3) They are amazing! No lie-Clark can read at age 3. I love being with them. We had my 2 younger kids over dinner Saturday and Sunday nights. In the meantime I kept up on my shop, worked on lockets. My work table is in a corner with windows on both walls. Good sunshine to ward off SAD and excellent for taking pictures. It is a happy place.

Night

My favorite time. Right before I go to sleep. Call it twilight. The room is dark. The house is quiet. I think in 3-4 word sentences. Lol. No one needs me. It's me and the universe. We are a quiet pair. I nightdream-different than sleep dreaming. More like daydreaming with deeper richer hues. Life and death. I feel safe and centered. Content. Maybe because I am surrounded. Butch snores. The grandbabies are tucked in. Kim is in her room while Dan works. No one is sick today, there is no imminent danger. Night words..moon, darkness, dream, quiet, shhhh. sleep.

Jobs

I woke up as Butch was getting ready for work. He is Mr. Dependable and I hope that the hospital knows what a treasure he is. "Would you bring me some coffee with the new creamer in it?" I mumble. "Of course" he answers quietly. Coffee is generally the first thought in my mornings-a physically addictive stimulant indeed. I must have dozed-when I drank it was tepid but not quite room temp yet. Gulp. It was gone. Yummy. My next thought-my shop. Every morning like Christmas morning. Did I sell something? Did anyone pick me as a favorite? The thrill of a new adventure-but so much more personal than my other careers. Not more important. My first jobs were as a page in libraries-starting when I was 14? Thru high school, college and a young adult. During the summers I worked as a packer for North American Van Lines with my sister. That was wild. Hot long days packing other people's things. But I liked working with the girls-it felt like being a grown up, certainly different than putting books away. I worked in a bakery briefly. Yuk. When I had my first baby I started baby-sitting. Nephew Ryan was a darling. I did that off and on until Katie started kindergarten. Then I went back to college and became an RN. I liked nursing-it is hard work. But profitable. For others and your own soul. A challenge, the stakes are very high sometimes. When a Nurse makes an oops-it is not funny at all. I was a 'nurse' for 13-15 in some capacity-an RN for 12-13. I may again. But not today. Today I make and sell my handmade wares at Gamut.

Brave New world

What did I do with my life before I got a laptop. We have had a computer for many years-maybe 13? We have lived back in the Lawrence area for 6 years+ and I played Everquest for 3+ years in Pratt and we had a very low profile ACER for a few years before the Dell came. At least 12 years. A laptop is completely different. It is the mobility, portability (is that the same thing?), it's power-for sure!, I understand it for one. Maybe it is the right thing at the right time in my life. Change is here for sure. Anyway-we got the laptop in the fall-after the wreck? Katie came and set-up my itunes for me. That was an eye-opener. What a gift! Although I still can't find the Kingston Trio Christmas Album. 16 other Kingston Trio albums-but not that. I think it was called '12 Months of the Year'. We kids loved that album. Well-so I bought some itunes-one hurdle jumped. I joined Netflix. Yum. I order alot of bollywood movies esp with Shah Ruhk Khan. So much fun! And I can watch alot of old British comedies and movies instantly on my computer. Katie gave me an older Nikon camera that was refurbished? reconditioned? from Kelsie..last summer. But I lost the battery recharger. I ordered a new one before Christmas. And then I got reinterested in beads this last summer. Katie (again) said 'If you want to make jewelry, you ought to open a site on etsy'. Then she told me all about etsy. and you know what-everything was in place when I had the wreck and quit my job and they did not hire me back. The camera, the laptop, the beads, the etsy knowledge. I started. So now-I take pictures and place them in folders. I created my Etsy shop Gamut. I have a facebook page, I blog, I itune, I play Dragon Age Origins. As well as shop, learn, explore the world. Thank you Laptop.

Connections

We are all connected. So deeply. The older I get-the more I notice it. When I was nursing on a hospital floor we would get the 'special' of the week. We would see a higher percentage of urinary tract infections or increased pain or wounds. We would see trends and cycles. Recently someone remarked how there was a big increase in sales on Etsy last week 'across the board'. Why is that? It affected my sales too. I had 8 days without selling anything then sold 7 things in 5 days. It isn't local, it isn't seasonal. People buy from around the world-I sent things to people in US, Canada, Germany and Australia last week. I haven't looked to see what cycle of the moon we were in last week. Medical people are highly superstitious of full moons. I do know that through the bad weather and the season still being winter-I felt a change in the air...spring breathed on me from far away. As people will say 'I saw a light at the end of the tunnel.'Hmmm. I said it wasn't seasonal. I think of Christ saying whatsoever you do for your sister-you do for me. Spiritual in the best sense. Our Spirits-or should I say our SPIRIT. Love us.

Icy Day Joys

Why do I feel guilty when I love bad weather days? The way I was raised and the person I am I suppose. I think of the truck drivers, the cows in the fields, the homeless under the bridge and I shiver for them. As for me and my house we are all snug inside a clean house with left over party food and nothing to do but read and eat and whatever else we feel like. There is no-'I have to do yardwork or got to go shopping or a good day to do whatsever. Nope-trapped inside like a kid who is grounded in his room and is secretly overjoyed because that is where he likes to be anyway. I plan on working at my craft table-yippee! Making steampunk necklaces today and whatever else pops in my head. Bliss. So-to all you who have to be out and about-you have my prayers and wishes for safe homecomings. To the cows-huddle and think spring thoughts. To you homeless-may my heart be burdened to be more involved in your welfare-stay safe and find warm places.

Cleansing

Today it rained. Not snow or ice-but a real rain-a very cold rain at 33 degrees F. Just one point above freezing. Still it was rain. 17 days past mid-winter the world starts to prepare for spring by cleansing with water and fire. Here in Kansas it is literal with spring rains and the burning of the fields. Makes me think of Imbolc and Bridgit and of course Jesus. We are ourselves cleansed with water and fire. I love cycles. And wonder about other places. The desert. The artic. The jungle. How the wheel of the year is presented to them, what lessons they draw from the cycles around them. Life, death, renewal. Wouldn't those be important lessons? A real reason to travel. May my life be strong, may I dream great dreams, may I learn and deepen.

Funny

I make jewelry. It's funny. I make jewelry to sell. Even funnier. I love it. At first I told my family "It is a hobby" or "just for fun". It is fun. Comprehensive. Encompassing. Get up early without feeling tired and excited about my shop fun. When I posted my first pieces-I cried. I loved it that much. Collecting materials I find beautiful, weird, unique. Making pieces. I don't want to be a cookie cutter jewelry maker. Taking the pictures. Angles, props, what will catch the buyer's attention? Writing the descriptors-how personal, how funny, how weird and still describe the piece accurately? Using my husband as my spellcheck. He is always right btw. Pricing. Accounting. Profiling. Etsy community and resources. Starting a blog. Budgeting-learning the value of real earned money. It is alot harder to make $100 this way. Putting myself on the line. Packaging and mailing. Sticking with my promise to mail within 48 hours. Hoping. Thanking the divine I am in a position where I can do this.

In My Blood

My grandmother taught me to knit when I was 8. My other grandmother had the button box-we strung buttons to make necklaces. She recycled clothing to make room sized braided rugs and painted her own patterns on her linoleum. Grandma Grace made alot of our clothes-she had a dresser drawer filled with just zippers. Her garage was an original pottery barn. Full of molds, slip, paint and a kiln. She did just about everything incl. crochet giant fancy tablecloths out of thread. Aunt Carol was the Embroidery Guild of Oklahoma City President-she traveled with a trunk of embroidery threads. Aunt Marian made beautiful porcelean dolls. My mother's grandmothers both quilted-for income. Every girl and some of the men in my immediate family knit. Every winter we gather and share knitting and talk, eat and laugh or cry. Go to a movie? Grab your knitting. Have to sit through a faculty meeting? Don't forget your knitting. Sports event-knitting is the bag. Yes-had a ball of yarn roll down to the front of the auditorium at my 22 year old son's opera he was in at KU. At least it is easier to carry around than the full size quilts I used to lug with me to hand quilt. Beads-I have been buying beads for 20 years? Started slow. Stopped at times. Love to haunt thrift stores the best-weird unique stuff. I also like estate sales and auctions-but not garage sales as much. We girls get together during blue moons and 'bead'. Everyone loves it. Once had a beading party with my quilt guild-they used whatever beads they wanted for free. Um. Lots of beads made people happy that night. I dont buy clothes, I dont buy stuff for the'house'. I buy colors and shapes and textures-whether beads, fabric, yarn and stuff. I bought SO MUCH FABRIC during the 90's and early 00's. How much? I sold fabric for 1$ a yard at a quilt show-I made $400. Ouch. We will talk about OCD and starving people another time. What's the point? Making stuff is in my blood.

My Day Job

I didn't quit my day job. Never had a day job. I was a night hospice and home health nurse. Occasionally I would do a weekend day. I worked for a local Home Health and Hospice Agency and loved my job. Things change. Planets orbit, time warps and moves. Our family dynamics changed. I was starting to get run down. Infections. Then one night I got hit by a car that ran a red light at a major intersection. I hit my head and it totaled my Subaru Forester. Loved that car. That was the last straw. I needed some time off. Off off. Any nurse will tell you they always need you. They hate to do it, but there will always be that call pleading you to come in 'just this one time.' So I quit. For awhile. I had a dent in my head, no car, tooth infection, tired. On the last day of the year I bought a KIA Soul. Great car-I was ready to go back to work! Called in-great! Come in in 3 days and talk with us. Boom. Not cozy. We will call you next week, Monday or Tuesday. No call. Call on Wednesday-sorry, we don't need you at this time. I was messed up-still am some. I had been a nurse for 14ish years. My bosses always loved me. I burned my bridge. Now I know an experienced nurse can get a job. The prn on-call night job was perfect for my current family situation...hard to replace.

Begin

Creation is messy. The focus is not on order. It is hot to make it. To forge. To strike literally while the mind and hands are hot. I like the clean-up too. Organizing is part of the cool down, relax the mind, go on auto-pilot. Soothing. Seeds are planted as beads are put away, colors pass, components brush by each other and think 'let's get together.'